INT. ABOUT ME PAGE
YOU are looking at this very About Me page. You think to yourself:
Enter TAYLOR WHITELOW, 20-something-year-old woman, writer, owner of the About Me page in question. You're caught, red handed, sifting through the most personal part of her book. Tension mounts.
Taylor looks at you looking at her About Me page.
You let out a deep sigh of relief.
FADE IN:
Taylor's drivers license photo.
Taylor's omnipotent digital particles pixelate and turn into dust. The powers of the metaverse transport that dust into her true physical form, where she sits, just as she did when you approached her at the landing page. Typing away at her computer for her job as a writer at Cartwright.
YOUR INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS (V.O)
So this is the About Me page, huh. Even this is scripted. I wonder why.
TAYLOR
Oh, uhm... there you are!
YOU
(nervously)
Sorry- Hi, I'm just looking at your about me page.
TAYLOR
I see. Don't be nervous. About Me pages are meant to be looked at. Without your digital gaze who would know anything about me?
YOUR INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS (V.O)
She's right.
YOU
Well then, what are some things I should know?
TAYLOR
Thought you'd never ask. 22 years ago I declared my first word. Toe. But the greater achievements were my second and third: Pot roast.
YOU
Tell me more!
TAYLOR
I’m from Chicago so, please, ask me about pizza. Or the wind.
YOU
I have so many unanswered questions about the wind. How did you know?
TAYLOR
Educated guess. Also, when the going gets tough, I dye my hair. 9 times in the past 4 years, to be exact. It's currently blonde with brown tips.
YOUR INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS (V.O)
She looks awfully pissed.
TAYLOR
After waiting in line all day at the DMV, who wouldn't be.
YOUR INTRUSIVE THOUHTS (V.O)
Wait, she can hear my thoughts?Also, are these just random facts with no uniting big idea brands so frequently ask for?
TAYLOR
Yup. And, yup. This is my portfolio script. Nothing here makes sense because I don't want it to. I exercise complete and total control over this environment.
YOU
(shocked whisper)
She's omnipotent.
TAYLOR
(sardonic whisper)
I know.
-
FADE TO BLACK.
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